In my over a year living and studying in Peru… I was shoked to see how many ladies come there with history of abuses (rape, beating, emotional abuse…) and energy of a victim around them. And there is a mutual attraction between victims and aggressors… If a girl been imprinted that abuse is part of intimacy, she will go for abuse. Usually completely unconsciously. In her sober state she controls it with discipline and social regimen, in altered state it comes out.

And I’ve seen many females politely, even friendly yet firmly rejecting advances. That’s a macho culture out there, we also have our unhealthy customs, we all humans . Punch him in a nose if he insists, move to another center, that’s all it takes.

It’s important to recognize the root cause of an ordeal is a victim mentality of people who’ve been abused and whose boundaries been shifted. Those sad and often disgusting stories from the jungle… no matter which part of the world you’re in, victims attract aggressors and vice versa.

But women are not the only victims–anyone who’s been the victim of trauma or has something a shaman wants (money, power, etc.) can also be targeted. I speak from experience as a male who organized ceremonies for a young but talented male shaman whose jealousy and greed led to a personal attack during ceremony that, sixteen years later, I am still trying to recover from. When you write that sexually predatory shamans are vampires, I know that you’re not writing figuratively. The shaman I worked with literally drained my energy, and it is only through the strength of my will and determination that I didn’t completely lose my mind in the aftermath, though part of me is still lost. I had a history of being bullied that I was trying to work through with ayahuasca (and it was working), but he saw and exploited that vulnerability, leaving me psychically and energetically wounded.

I will never again work with any male shaman.

Be careful out there. The medicine world is the Wild West. Go armed with absolute trust in your guide.

What started as touching quickly turned to daily harassment for sex, a relationship, several hundred dollars… He convinced me that we could start a business together. It took a phone call from a friend to clue me in to the fact that I was being taken advantage of. I managed to safely leave the village and spent two days alone in a hotel room, where I felt the brainwash wear off a realized the severity of the situation I had just put myself in. At the end of two days I became violently ill. I sought the help of a recommended female shaman and spent the next two weeks in a state of perpetual terror and sickness. It felt like my brain was melting, I thought people and animals were trying to kill me. My mind and body were in a total state of emergency. I contacted Nihue Rao in panic and they graciously took me in on short notice.

I recieved two weeks of treatment at Nihue Rao were I believe and hope that the bulk of the damage caused by this incident was reversed. It has been two months and I still suffer from regular nightmares, as well as a general feeling of distrust towards any man. I live with a very hightened sense of fear and my own vulnerability. These symptoms have lessened slowly over the past couple months, and I hope they will continue to heal as time goes on.

I am sharing this story in the hopes that it will offer a very real disclaimer to women and men who are seeking healing from mother ayahuasca. Do research beforehand, go with a friend, make sure the shaman and centre are reputable, TRUST your instincts if something feels off to you. This could potentially save your life.

Blessings.

Your practical suggestions and encouragement for sensible self-exploration with ayahuasca help light a path that humans are compelled to travel on. Hopefully others will also illuminate this confusing landscape and help prevent the potential harms that can happen in the dark