Life is full of surprises; unfortunately, they aren’t always the kind we would wish to experience. What makes these unwanted surprises even harder to accept is our attachment to the way we expected things to happen. This particular brand of discomfort—the kind fueled by a life drunk with expectations and the resulting crash from failing to meet them—is profoundly sobering and uncomfortable. I call it an Expectation Hangover® which I define as the myriad of undesirable feelings or thoughts present when one or a combination of the following takes place:
– A desired outcome does not occur.
– A desired outcome does occur but does not produce the feelings or results we expected.
– Our personal and/or professional expectations are unmet by ourselves or others.
– An undesired, unexpected event occurs that is in conflict with what we want or have planned.
The symptoms are similar to, but far more miserable and lasting, those caused by a alcohol-induced hangover: lethargy, depression, lack of motivation, confusion, denial, anger, poor work performance, diminished creativity, strained relationships, social withdrawal, low self-esteem, regret, and a disconnection from a Higher Power.
When our expectations are met, we feel a sense of accomplishment and pride. Often risking little, we feel safe, in control and on-track. Achieving our goals is intoxicating and we are compelled toward them, sometimes disregarding our underlying motivations that often come from our ego. While striving for goals has value, holding expectations and attachment to the way life “should” go sets the stage for disappointment.
Most of don’t like it when the Universe seems to miss the memo on how we think things should be. But the truth is the Universe doesn’t miss anything.
When we keep fighting for what we think we want, never slowing down enough to actually learn the lesson that our Expectation Hangover is attempting to teach, we’re too drunk with expectations to notice when we are headed in the wrong direction.
The result? We continue to wake up with Expectation Hangovers.
What’s the remedy? It takes a lot more than two aspirin, some greasy food, and staying inside with the lights low. We look for external ease for the discomfort. Rebound relationships, abrupt career changes or miscalculated risks, addictions (drinking, gambling, sex, drugs, work, shopping), and numbing oneself with prescription drugs are common. We lose faith and sink into the quicksand of victimhood and hopelessness.
Instead of thinking about how to rid yourself of an Expectation Hangover, consider how you can LEVERAGE it. Ask, “What am I learning?” rather than, “Why is this happening?” Keep your mind out of judgment, regret, and shoulda/coulda/woulda thinking. Remember, you did your best. Your worth and value are not attached to anything or anyone external and security from any outside source is an illusion—your ultimate safety is in Love. Control is overrated; surrender is much sweeter.
Think about who inspires you. I guarantee you that part of what makes them so inspirational is how they leveraged their hangovers for their growth. Instead of trying to snooze through the alarm of disappointment, they woke up!
Each Expectation Hangover is a gift, an opportunity to release something external that you have clung to for worth, safety, or love. If you learn how to respond to Expectation Hangovers from the perspective of a student rather than a victim, I guarantee you will walk through doorways of transformation that will lead you to more love.
Often life has to throw you a curveball (or several) so you change directions. When this happens, first let go of the plan you have been attached to so your Higher Self and the Universe can conspire for you.
Christine Hassler, MA, is a LA-based best-selling author, life coach, and speaker. Her newest book Expectation Hangover breaks down the complex and overwhelming experience of recovering from disappointment into a step-by-step treatment plan on the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual levels.
