How Do We Connect in this Digital Age?
Ah, modern dating! Where technology, desire, love and emotions whirl together leaving us dazed, confused, occasionally exhilarated, ghosted, catfished, soft launched, cobwebbed or all of the above and more. To say that dating and the quest for connection has changed in today’s modern world, is an understatement. I mean, c’mon, it’s got its own vernacular.
From the historical, societal and cultural roles that men and women play, to the ways we connect and interact with potential partners, dating has undergone a major shift due to changing gender roles, the rise of the feminine, and technology. And, even though we are more connected than ever, are we making any real connections?
Connection is digital.
Dating apps have revolutionized the dating game by providing a convenient platform for people to connect and meet potential partners. They have expanded the dating pool worldwide and made it easier to find compatible matches, breaking geographical and social barriers — but not without consequence and a few kicks to your limbic system; the part of your brain that regulates emotion.
In the age of Bumble, Tinder, Hinge et al, it’s as simple as swiping left or right; or is it? Swiping through profile after profile (after profile) can feel like a never-ending buffet line; where you’re hoping to find that rare delicacy and taking a little bit of everything as you move through. But where does it end?
Is it any surprise that dating apps have actually altered the dynamics of human connection?
They have introduced new norms and behavior by encouraging a more superficial approach to dating; where initial judgments are often based on appearance and limited information. The focus seems more on physical attractiveness rather than compatibility, shared interests and similar intentions, like someone looking for casual sex versus an LTR, friends with benefits, etc… Does anyone even read these profiles before swiping right?
In our pixelated universe, intimacy has also taken on a whole new meaning.
Before even meeting a match in person, we find ourselves baring our souls (and other things) to virtual strangers, exchanging electronic sentiments, instead of whispering them into the warm ear of someone we’ve met and KNOW we want to connect with.
So, what IS human connection anyway?
On a rudimentary level, connection is chemical; the intricate play of biology and physiology that pretty much acts like a drug inside of us. Hormones such as oxytocin, known as the “bonding hormone,” play a crucial role in forming feelings of trust, intimacy, and attachment. We get a dose of oxytocin when we give or get good hugs! Neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine activate and influence our mood and reward systems, curating experiences of pleasure, and social bonding.
Connection also consists of emotional and psychological bonds that form between people that results in mutual understanding, empathy, and shared experiences, creating closeness, intimacy and eventually, love.
In doing research on the phenomenon of connection, I came across a book called, The Evolved Masculine by Destin Gerek, a relationship coach, certified sexologist, and founder of his company by the same name. The book’s tagline is: Be the Man the World Needs and the One She Craves?. I was intrigued.
As a woman on a spiritual path that has only deepened throughout the years, I am only interested in connecting with a man who fully embraces his evolved masculine self, his highest potential. A strong, self realized, self actualized man who is in the right relationship to his power and has the ability (and desire) for deep and sacred exchange. Needless to say, I was curious AF about this book.
In general, women seek emotional connection as a means of deepening relationships, weaving intricate tapestries of support and empathy. Men have historically faced societal expectations to suppress feelings and emotions and we’re seeing just how this plays out on the world stage.
Destin Gerek, who is dedicated to redefining and evolving masculinity for the 21st century says, “Our broken world does not need less masculine power, we need more men in the right relationship to their masculine power.” Amen.
While generalizations can never capture the full complexity of individuals, there are some distinct patterns that emerge in how men and women approach and experience connection.
With gender norms evolving and the growing Women’s Empowerment Movement, we have witnessed the rise of the feminine and the #MeToo movement, advocating against sexual harassment and assault, and promoting gender equality. More men are now embracing their emotional depth and authenticity, connecting with their inner worlds, tapping into their full presence, and the highest version of themselves.
Shift happens.
But, let’s face it, we can only connect with others as deeply as we connect to ourselves. We must embark on a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness so we can truly understand our own desires, values, and boundaries. Delving into our own depths, we cultivate a sense of authenticity, self-love, self-acceptance, self-confidence and emotional intelligence, but it takes work. Time. Discipline and maybe, therapy.
Know thyself.
But, how can we begin to connect with ourselves deeply and authentically?
There are many ways. These include, but are not limited to:
- Meditation.
- Contemplation.
- Reflection.
- Silence.
- Yoga.
- Ecstatic dance.
- Prayer.
- Therapy.
- Breath work.
- Chanting.
These practices introduce so many physical and mental benefits, lowering stress, raising self awareness, and allowing for higher states of consciousness and connection to unfold.
Gerek has some ideas of his own.
Mindfulness.
He invites us to explore the realms of sensual embodiment, meaning ‘of the senses’, urging us to put down our Smartphones and step into the physical world of our five senses. The present moment. Now, where our deepest presence lies.
“Being present means not being in your mind chatter, not being in anxiety, fear, or fantasy. Presence means not worrying about the past or what has happened before, or being concerned about what might happen next.” Gerek writes.
“Being present is being IN your body and connected to your sight, hearing, touch, taste, and smell. When you are in your five senses, you are not in your mind. You are present in the moment, and women are incredibly attuned to this presence, even though many wouldn’t necessarily be able to articulate it.” Hmmmmmmmm…
Here’s where Gerek’s book really got me. He authored this text for men, to teach and inspire men to BE and become their best, most evolved selves yet as a woman reading it, these teachings revealed so much to me about the vast and lush psyche of a woman.
More intrigue.
Gerek knows and understands the entire spectrum of masculine energy. I actually felt a little voyeuristic peeking directly into this complex circuitry of man but it was Gerek’s understanding of FEMININE energy that spoke to something primordial in me.
Gerek states that, “women are primal huntresses for masculine presence.” I never knew how to verbalize this innate, archetypal dynamic, but he just did. He says that as a man, if you want to “open a woman into the fullness of her desire—wet, hot, hungry and coming back for more (and not just for sex but for you and your heart, as well)—you need to build your capacity for presence. Women want and crave a man who is willing to invest in himself on all levels so that his very presence and beingness invites her to unfold into her most alive and exalted expression. She wants her own actualization to blossom into the fullness of who she is capable of becoming.”
Now that’s connection.
See, in her highest expression, the evolved feminine embodies a depth of qualities that transcend societal expectations. Embracing her sensuality, she celebrates her body as a vessel of joy and creativity. She is a catalyst for change, using her voice and her unique perspective to create a more compassionate and equitable world. She embraces her nurturing nature for others, also honoring her own well-being. She is in touch with her emotions and embraces vulnerability as a source of strength.
The evolved feminine values connection and collaboration, fostering inclusive and supportive relationships. The evolved masculine embodies a range of qualities that extend beyond traditional stereotypes. He embraces his strength, and emotional resilience, cultivating presence, self-awareness and introspection. This allows him to understand and navigate his own emotions and those of others with empathy and compassion.
The evolved masculine balances assertiveness with receptivity, knowing when to take action and when to listen. He values integrity and authenticity, choosing honesty and transparency in his interactions, respecting boundaries and creating a safe space for others to express themselves, especially women.
These archetypal aspects of feminine and masculine energy, the very universal laws that move the stars and the planets, the Yin and Yang of it all that ensures all things in the universe remain in constant harmony and motion, elicit the perfect landscape for true intimacy and exchange.
Connection is a choice.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I love technology and dating apps serve their purpose, but in a world where someone new is a just swipe away and grass is proverbially greener on the other side, the plethora of options contributes to the paradox of choice, making it harder for individuals to commit and invest in a single person.
With a seemingly infinite pool of potential partners at our fingertips, we can become trapped in an endless loop of “What if?” and “Could there be someone better out there?” diminishing our abilities to connect with anyone at all.
Gerek teaches that commitment and choice are not enemies. It’s about knowing yourself and finding that rare person who makes you want to hide or delete your dating profile and take a leap into something deeper, more profound.
Connection is a gift.
One that could last a moment, a night or a lifetime. You could be on the other side of the world at a conference and meet a beautiful soul that changes your life, serving as a mirror and a catalyst for transformation: A Twin Flame…But, that’s a whole other article.
Ultimately, connection is an inside job, because the best relationship you could ever have is the one with yourself. As we learn to navigate and evolve our own emotional intimacy, we can live our best lives, our highest expression and share it with others for the good of all. Our world needs this. And so it is…
Rossana Jeran is the Co-Founder and CEO of Hello Computer, Inc., a social purpose company that is passionate about creating Mobile Apps that blur the lines of education and entertainment. They are the creators of the award-winning “StoryTime International” Mobile app, that translates and reads aloud in 137 languages, promoting literacy and imagination for Preschoolers, Kindergarteners and early readers worldwide. She studied Psychology and Communications at the University of Missouri, Kansas City and is a social Entrepreneur. Her diverse background includes social work, arts management, philanthropy, private equity, the dotcom Tech industry and Hollywood; by way of her work with music industry legend, Freddy DeMann, former Manager of Madonna, Michael Jackson, The Eagles, Billy Idol, Perry Farrell, Macy Gray and Shakira. Rossana is a published writer, a public speaker, an award winning Media Artist and bi-lingual, speaking Spanish fluently as a second language. Most recently she spoke at the Los Angeles County Women’s Leadership Conference (2022), the World Literacy Summit (2023) at Oxford University in the UK and most recently featured as a rising Entrepreneur in Vision Magazine, a subsidiary of Palm Springs Life Magazine. Her work as the Business Manager of Grand Arts (The Margaret Hall Silva Foundation) exposed her to the non-profit sector, managing the organization’s business, budget and philanthropic affairs while producing shows for some of the best National and International visual Artists every eight weeks. In 2010 she founded Fit Conscious Happy, a lifestyle coaching practice that guides people to reach their highest potential using fitness and Meditation for complete mind/body wellness. Rossana is certified by the Chopra Institute as a Primordial Sound Meditation Teacher and teaches Mindset and Mindfulness meditation online as well as in and around Southern California and beyond. A true and well-balanced dichotomy, Rossana balances her life between entrepreneurial work, and her passion for helping people. She believes literacy, imagination and technology are human rights. More info: www.rossanajeran.com