Circling Women
Social Activism Through Ancient Ritual
You’re sitting cross-legged in a circle of unfamiliar fire-lit faces; all attention is on one woman holding a stone. You listen as she speaks your thoughts, your prayers in her own prayers for self, family, the world, then lights a candle and passes it to a woman on her left. Again you hear your own pain, joy and desires in another woman’s voice. By the time this heart and hand-warmed stone is in your hands, you feel a sense of gratitude and belonging you’ve seldom known, yet one that feels strangely familiar in your bones.
By the time the circle closes, you feel a deep sense of calm and renewed hope for yourself and the planet. You leave with more of yourself than you brought in, a little stronger with this sisterhood in your psychic pocket. You are not alone.
In a grassroots effort to create global peace and find inner serenity, women worldwide are returning to the ancient and universal practice of sitting together in circles, where they co-create a safe space to offer their joys, sorrows, hopes and dreams for the world and themselves.
In a circle, there are no cheap seats and no front row spots reserved for celebrities and the press. Rank and title are left at the door. Everyone walks in with equal status and takes a seat equidistant from the center. Every face is seen, every voice heard by all and the center is occupied by no one, as it is reserved for an altar, candle, or group intention.
In the context of our hierarchical and competitive culture, sitting in a circle can feel restorative, refreshing and a bit revolutionary. There is no goal, no leader, no agenda. For many women, it is a precious respite from a life of striving to do more, be more, get more, like sinking into a warm bath of trust, acceptance and unity after a long day of mental or manual labor.
Throughout history, the circle has been a universal symbol for unity, the cosmos and the perfection of the divine, from the Tibetan Wheel of Life to Hindu mandalas to the perfectly balanced yin yang symbol. Formed by the seamless connection of the beginning and end of an unbroken line, the circle speaks to the timelessness of life, the wholeness of the moment. In sacred geometry, the circle symbolizes the number one and is the source of all subsequent shapes. Any number multiplied or divided by one retains itself, the way unity embraces the diversity of each individual while preserving each member’s identity, the way a good women’s circle welcomes each voice as an essential link in an unbroken chain.
Even without a conscious awareness of the circle’s inherent power, the effects are felt subconsciously. According to Michael S. Schneider, author of A Beginner’s Guide to Constructing the Universe, “The message of the shape bypasses our conscious mental circuitry and speaks directly to the quiet intelligence of our deepest being. The circle is a reflection of the world’s – and our own – deep perfection, unity, design excellence, wholeness, and divine nature.” Try sitting in a straight line. Then a triangle. How about a square? Notice how you feel.
As Barbara Marx Hubbard states, circle participants tend to feel safe. Perhaps because you can see everyone; everyone is equally vulnerable. Or maybe it is because the pervasive patriarchal hierarchy is replaced with an authentic recognition of and respect for your contribution. Or perhaps there’s a body memory of childlike simplicity, when you could spend a day sitting around playing jacks, facing the game and each other, instead of the next place you needed to go.
“Gandhi said we had to be the change we want to see in the world. In the circle, we change, we come from the heart. We feel safety and trust. This in itself is changing the world.” ~ Barbara Marx Hubbard, visionary and Founder-Director, Foundation for Conscious Evolution
Whatever the cause, circle is a familiar and natural structure for women. From meeting at the village well to sitting in the monthly moon lodge, women in tribes have always gathered for support and nurturance through sharing and listening to each other’s stories. Modern day examples include knitting circles, book clubs, Al-Anon and La Leche League.
This relational activity has a biochemical, physiological and historical basis. In tribal societies, a group’s division of labor was necessarily gender-specific. Pregnant and nursing women relied on the rest of the group for support and protection while pregnant and raising their children. While men, not fully suited for breastfeeding, needed, at a moment’s notice, to slay the evening meal or get out of the way – fast, leading to an adaptive “fight or flight” rush of adrenaline and testosterone.
In our twenty-first century reality, our bodies are still wired for these ancient gender-specific roles. According to research done by Shelly Taylor of UCLA in 2000, the natural female response to stress is to “tend and befriend,” a sharp contrast to the “fight and flight” response.
Taylor’s research reveals that the universality of the “fight or flight” response is a false conclusion drawn by testing performed on men by men. The natural response for a woman in a stressful situation is to become relational. As women tend and befriend, oxytocin, a bonding hormone released during childhood, breastfeeding and orgasm, rises, thus decreasing the experience of stress.
Oxytocin is not exclusive to women, and is released in men in environments of safe communication. One male friend recently remarked, “I know communication affects my well-being. I can feel it. Every time I walk away from a safe encounter, I feel good.” In our recent political climate of war and domination, the increased awareness of tending and befriending as a powerful force cannot be underestimated. On a planet supporting over six billion people, any act of getting along is valuable. Circle is one simple way to practice.
A few short weeks after 9/11, a group of women leaders who were gathering for the fifth World Conference of Women at the United Nations, met in New York City and posed the question, “What can we do to make a difference?” They decided that the most powerful thing to do would be to gather in circles.
Jean Shinoda Bolen, author of The Millionth Circle, was one of those women. She promotes circles as a method for moving from the patriarchal power structure to a more egalitarian system. In Bolen’s words, “Once the principles are understood, the significance of women’s circles can be appreciated as a revolutionary-evolutionary movement that is hidden in plain sight. It appears to be just women getting together talking, but each woman and each circle is contributing to something grander.”
There is a ripple effect, both from circles as a whole and from each woman who attends. As women sit with each other in sacred space, their trust in themselves and in women in general grows. In a culture of sexually objectifying images, online relationships and cell phone business meetings, sitting face to face in an attentive environment without agenda can have a profound impact. Isolation melts away into community. Thoughts share equal space with feelings. Concepts give way to the primal and sacred experience of a group of beating hearts present with each other. Circles are an interactive, open-eyed, communal meditation where members listen actively and speak authentically.
After circle, women go out into the world with a deeper embodied experience of this safety, trust and self-awareness which then informs all their relationships on a day to day basis. The woman who questioned every choice she made thinks twice before doubting herself. The woman who was afraid to speak up discovers she has boundaries and can express them with more strength and confidence. The woman who thought she was alone finds it easier to ask for and offer help, for she has experienced the caring of a community of women.
On the metaphysical level, every circle adds to a resonant field of group harmony. Beyond what we can see with the five senses, there is the quantum field, where each circle adds to the group consciousness. Like the hundredth monkey, each circle is a tiny step closer to the day when conflict is resolved non-violently, and true, conscious community is the norm.
Join or begin a circle. Change a current meeting into a circle format. Start at home at the dinner table, by taking turns speaking, by making certain every voice has space and by listening without judgment. Some women have taken the circle into the business world and are co-creating projects. Sometimes quietly, gently and privately and sometimes publicly, women in circle are changing the world.
Sage Knight is a licensed spiritual coach with twenty years of training and experience in health and well-being. She is part of the Evolutionary Women, releasing a book called Conscious Choices being written in a circle structure. For information on women’s events, including Full and New Moon circles, contact Sage athttp://www.generationsofwomen.com.
Men’s Circles
For men, hardwired and conditioned to compete and win, entering a circle environment for the first time is an act of courage. Once in, they speak of and heal from wounds, walk through the fire of their shadows and form lasting bonds of brotherhood safe from a world where they are expected to do, earn and compete. They nurture each other in ways they cannot do around the women upon whom they’ve projected these essential aspects of themselves.
Men nationwide are holding open circles, closed circles, drum circles, councils and retreats. They meet weekly, monthly and annually and range in structure from an event called a “puppy pile” offered by California Men’s Gatherings, where men can simply lounge around like little boys (complete with milk and cookies!) to a sacred council in Los Angeles, whose talking stick is a rattle made from genuine deer antler and elk scrotum. Scout’s honor.
Not all groups may appear as colorful at first glance as these two examples. Most walk a mytho-poetic trail blazed by Robert Bly in Iron John. Though Bly did not create the ancient ritual of a men’s council, his book has served as a machete for men who want to cut through societal expectations and find authentic self-expression in the company of other men. The men in these councils share an intention to access and support the deep masculine in themselves and each other in a safe, non-judgmental environment, where they can take that long and powerful journey from head to heart.
“They drop their armor and their weapons. If everyone drops their weapons, there is no need for armor.” – Steve McCord, Wide Sky Men’s Council
So, yes, there are men’s circles. There is an entire movement of the deep masculine, and it’s visceral. In the words of Dan Franklin, M.A., LMFT, Associate Director of Counseling Services at the Men’s Center of Los Angeles: “You haven’t lived until you’ve been in a tent with 60-70 men drumming their butts off. You can feel it in your bones.”
Create a Circle
- Choose a simple and clear intention for the circle. Examples: “Mothers supporting each other;” or “A safe place for women to talk openly.”
- Clearly communicate the intention to participants.
- Set a consistent meeting time and duration for ongoing circles.
- Choose a format for meeting and speaking, considering whether or not to have facilitators and time limits for sharing.
- Arrange a comfortable space: pillows/chairs in a circle, altar space in the center with candles, flowers, photos or anything sacred to the women. Simple works.
- Create a clear opening and closing, defining the circle in time. In Deb’s circles, she invites women to end their speaking by saying “I’m complete” and then stating whether they are open for insights after the circle closes.
- Open and close with each woman’s voice heard. Examples: “I am _____ and I bring the quality of _____;” “I am ______, and I take with me from this circle_____.”
- Choose an object to pass. Only the person holding the object speaks while everyone else holds the space.
- Speak from your heart, and your own direct experience, using “I” statements. Refrain from talking about others.
- Listen deeply, with one person speaking at a time.
- Everything said remains in the circle.
- Relax and breathe…each circle brings its own magic, alive in all of the women present.
By Sage Knight
