How yogic principles can be applied to play with children.

When our hearts feel joyful, the practice of yoga and meditation can themselves be playful. The lessons we learn in this path: equanimity, focus, stability, resilience, perseverance, union, connection and balance translate well into the language and practice of play and it is possible to bring these into playtime with children. When we incorporate these, we can cultivate an experience of attunement: being or bringing into harmony; a feeling of being “at one” with another being. When that synchronicity happens through play, it builds a healthy foundation for interpersonal relationships.

Our resistance to pure play with our own children can be compared to our resistance to being present in yoga. I hear from people who don’t like yoga say that “yoga is boring,” and I hear from parents that, “making the trucks go brrrrr and changing the doll’s clothes doesn’t hold a candle to watching the Lakers.”

Life sometimes feels like an infinitely long list of things to do and resentment can arise when we are asked to stop rushing and connect. There has always been and will always be wood to chop and water to carry (or the equivalent), removing any justification that we have too many important tasks to complete before appreciating the simplicity of being present with ourselves and with others.


Structured Play

Structured play is directed, with boundaries and rules. This type of play is recommended for highly active or hyperactive children who have difficulty paying attention because it provides structured boundaries. Team sports (with rules), for example, are more structured than playing house or playing school. Board games are more structured than sand play. Just like the boundaries
of our yoga mat provide the container for our physical body, the discrete edges of a board game focuses the players. In addition to these spatial boundaries, energetic boundaries contribute to a meaningful experience. Structured play with others teaches which behaviors push friends away and which attract playmates. In yoga we restrain the fluctuations of the mind to cultivate a steady state. In structured group play we restrain meanness to cultivate joyful connections, sportsmanship and community.

Playing by the rules develops character, mastery and increases the ability to tolerate frustration. These rewards are tainted when a child wonders whether they would have been able to win legitimately. When engaged in structured play, adults can observe a child’s response to obstacles and can encourage fair play and learning lessons.

The act of playing a game together becomes a meditation in peaceful co-existence. Players can agree to disagree, challenge and compete within a milieu of civility. How long can family members tolerate a board game without disintegrating into squabbles? No matter the depths of conflict within a family system, playing a game together can provide a sanctuary if everyone agrees to temporarily set other problems or issues aside.

A board game is a great equalizer in that younger siblings have an equal chance to win. Older siblings and parents may roll a low number on the dice or slide down the ladder due to sheer bad luck. The family is together for an extended period of time ideally without nagging, bossing, whining or threatening. If a family has problems with power struggles, angry outbursts or demeaning language, deciding to be peaceful during structured play creates an alternative experience. They may find themselves being silent and they may notice a deep, tender connection surface.

Unstructured Play

When we practice yoga at home, moments of discovery can surprise us. Leave room for similar magical discoveries when introducing a child to a new toy, a funny hat, clay or blocks. While it may seem obvious that a hula hoop twirls around the waist, someone else may prefer to place it on the lawn and jump in and out of the circle. Our habitual way of handling a toy may inhibit a child’s imagination and there are few things as extraordinary as the imagination of a child. Through witnessing a child’s uniqueness and understanding the child’s metaphors you communicate that you are present, that you see and hear the child.

Respect

Just as you make the commitment to turn off the cell phone to practice yoga or set it aside when meeting with friends, you can make the same effort to value time with a child. When pressured to return to adult tasks, breathe and reflect on whether the task can wait until this cherished connection finds its own closure. When people feel honored, it’s noticeable in their facial expression and eye contact. Conversations become more interactive…dialogue rather than monologue. Even quiet children begin opening up.

Modeling Behavior

In yoga class, the act of selecting props and replacing them neatly adds to the aesthetic of the studio. Participating in the clean-up process with your child models valuable organizational skills. Cleaning up together also helps contain the anxiety about the pending separation or transition.

Feelings

When the elements of yoga practice, including posture and meditation, expose raw emotional states such as loss, sadness or an existential feeling of aloneness, we can learn to breathe through it, often inspiring transformational shifts. If worrisome metaphors arise during a child’s playtime with you, be reflective about what your child is telling you. They may be trusting you with insight into how mad, confused and sad they feel about a situation they need help dealing with, or they may be rehearsing their newfound resilience, as we do in our yoga practice.

Julie Carmen, MA, LMFT, ERYT-500 is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Malibu and a certified yoga therapist on the faculty of LMU Yoga Therapy Rx. She’s been teaching at Exhale Center for Sacred Movement since 2001 and has been Suzanne Somers private yoga teacher since 2003. Julie Carmen’s YOGA SLOW FLOW DVD and YOGA FOR HORMONES CD are available at www.yogatalks.com

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