Lisa Gornall in blue dress with book to write about relationship success

Happy Together for 25 Years: 4 Tips for Relationship Success

It is possible for you to have a happy relationship that lasts for 25 years — or more. My husband and I started dated 25 years ago this year. 25 years together is a big number – a lot of couples don’t make it that long, at least not happily.

I have worked with thousands of women in my career and most of them are not happy in their relationships. Some couples will stay until the kids leave the house or until they feel financially secure enough to separate. A lot of my friends are divorced. Some are figuring out the new dating thing and some are already on their second marriage.

My husband and I are familiar with divorce. I am my husband’s second wife. Both of our parents are divorced. I have worked with many women as they were going through their divorces to help them recreate a life they love and this usually includes a new partner.

If you want to create the life you love with a partner who you love for the long-term, try these relationship success secrets.

4 Relationship Success Secrets

1. Have a REAL Connection with Each Other

It isn’t about the looks, the job, the money. These things can fade and change. The connection has to be strong. If it isn’t, then the grass is greener somewhere else when life gets hard – and life does get hard. It isn’t all roses and rainbows so you want to have someone with you that you really want to be with no matter what curve ball is thrown your way.

The connection has to be mutual. A lot of movies talk about “knowing” when you meet your person, your “soul mate” and “the one”. I keep hearing everyone say on reality dating shows like the Bachelor, “I feel sparks with you.” There can only be one true spark so on these shows multiple people are not going to have a true spark for one person.

Let’s clarify what this is energetically.

When I met my husband, I knew he was my person the moment I looked in his eyes. I knew. But knowing isn’t enough. My next reaction was fear, scared, I’m so young, I don’t know if I’m ready for this and I don’t know what to do with this. Feeling the sparks with someone is exciting and then scary. I honestly spent the first two months of knowing my husband running away from him and then feeling magnetically pulled back to him again.

The knowing connection makes you show up in a way you’ve never showed up with another partner.

You have to do the inner work on yourself to truly be present in that relationship.

I’ve watched women meet “their” person and sabotage it. Run away from “their” person. Go back to a man that treated them horribly because they felt safter and less exposed (and now they are separated from that man again.)

Not everyone wants a relationship with the unmistakable “knowing” connection. People have been making those relationships work for centuries. While my husband and I do have the sparks and I talk about it in my relationship book, you absolutely can make a relationship work without it. But to go the distance, you have to have a real connection with your person. It has to be someone you want to be with in good times and in bad…there’s a reason that’s in the wedding vows.

2. Don’t Ever Go to Bed MAD

Seriously, DO NOT do it.

Notice that when you have gone to bed mad that you wake up to a whole different beast the next morning?

You’re not only mad about the original event, but ALL the other “wrongs” that come to your mind since the beginning of your relationship.

What happens energetically is that in the darkness of the night – in the absence of light – your anger grows. Anger is a lower vibrational energy. Combining anger with darkness at night is the perfect storm to wake up to a beast that will really confuse your partner and make you feel worse about literally everything little thing from the beginning.

If it bothers you, deal with it before you go to bed and find a compromise. If I am upset about something, I tell my husband. We talk about it and we come to an agreement that is always a compromise because that’s what you do in relationships, you compromise. I won’t go to bed mad and he knows it. I also won’t let him go to bed mad.

If there is NO way for you to talk to the other person before you can go to bed, you have to make peace with it on your own and come up with your solution to the problem. Then present the problem and solution to them as soon as you can so you can find your compromise together. There is no reason or benefit to ever going to bed mad.

3. Be Crystal CLEAR in Your Communication

The majority of the population cannot read minds. They can’t even take hints.

If you want something to happen or to be a certain way, you need to tell your partner and give as many details and specifications as you possibly can.

“I like it when you do this, thank you.” “Can you please help me with this?” “It bothers me when you do that. Please don’t do it.”

Energetically, the clearer you are, the less drama, miscommunications and fights you’ll have. I remember getting mad at my husband for not doing things I wanted him to help with when we started dating. It was such a waste of energy because he didn’t even know I wanted help because I didn’t ask him. I just got mad and became a crazy woman in his eyes. Then I’d have to let go, calm down and apologize. Now we communicate. I can’t get mad if I didn’t communicate it to him, he is not a mind reader.

Here’s a classic example of what you’re doing with your energy in your relationships when you aren’t clear at all in your communication.

  • You want a gift but instead you say, “I don’t want a gift.”
  • Then you’re upset and angry because they’re supposed to “know” you better and get you a gift.
  • In this example not only are you NOT going to get a gift, you are going to probably get in a big fight. If you want something from your partner, ask for it.
  • Tell them.
  • Send them the exact link to what you want.
  • The more clear you are in your communication, the less misunderstanding and fights you’ll have.
  • Happy couples have strong, clear and open communication with each other.

4. Put EFFORT into Your Relationship

When you start a relationship with someone, it’s new and exciting to learn about them and do new things together. Then you move into the next stage – you’re comfortable together and know everything about each other. You get into routines and get lazy when it comes to putting energy into your relationships.

Remember this – you put energy and time into things that are important to you.

Your partner will feel neglected when you stop putting energy into your relationship. Then they talk to their friends and it’ll be out of control in no time.

Don’t just assume they’ll always be there or take them for granted.

Especially if you don’t have a “knowing” connection, this is where the grass will get green when other people they work with or meet will give them attention they’re wanting and not getting. Schedule a date night, go for walks together, meet for lunch, hold hands and make time for intimacy.

Think of your relationship like a plant, you have to water it, fertilize it and give it sunlight so it keeps growing.

It’s a relationship game changer to be happy. Which of these tips would really help your relationship right now? One of my friends just told me that we are the only happily married couple she knows. These tips have helped my husband and I reach 25 years happily together this year. I’m a big believer in living a life I love. That means no drama, mutual respect and lots of love.

Use these Relationship Success Strategies

February is the month of love and I hope you’re able to put some of these tips into practice to create your happily ever after with your partner.

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