Cultivating Practice, Relationship and Sexuality Through Breath
LA Yoga Magazine: March 2009, Volume 8/No. 2
“The energy of life that Yoga calls prana is exactly the same energy that is engaged in sex. Practicing postures with the whole body and with feeling will have a spontaneous effect on your ability to love and be loving. When you have found a rhythm in your Yoga practice you will likely discover a new rhythm in your sexual practice. As you gather the love given to you by your partner, you have more to give back.”
–– Mark Whitwell
Breath is the vehicle for this prana of which Yoga teacher and author of Yoga Heart, Whitwell speaks. We draw in the breath and it fills us; we inhale and exhale as a tangible search for union, which takes place in the very center of our being. As Whitwell says, “The heart, or the hrid, is the place of convergence for the breath in the body, the point of connection of the masculine and the feminine. It is the point from which the body and mind flower like a nurtured bloom.”
Yoga, when practiced in a way that is appropriate for the individual, establishes an awareness of the basic conditions of life, including sexuality, within the system. Yoga creates a deep and abiding connection to these forces, which moves us and from which we can never be separate.
Ultimately it is relationship that we value. Union is our divine and natural state, with both the male and female aspects of life being expressed in the celebration of co-creation and codependence. Within the qualities we are also autonomous; it is a delightful play of individuation in union. In this creation, sex is an integral part of our nature and the means by which we enjoy our visceral connection to life and the source of life.
However, the incidence of sexual dysfunction and abuse in society tells us that we are essentially in a sex negative society, and sex is where we are stuck. We are unrelentingly bombarded with overtly sexual images and prototypes that tell us what we need to wear, who we need to be and what we need to do in order to be desirable and sexy in the conventional sense. Despite this, there is little information available on practical ways to develop true intimacy, leaving us victims of the questionable models that are offered, or searching elsewhere for something with greater meaning.
We live in a time when sex is used as a means of instant gratification or a weapon of consumer control. These attitudes perpetuate unhealthy attitudes and relationships. “The burden of sex negativity is the outgrowth and other side of the same sleazy coin of religious celibacy,” says Whitwell. This is clear when we consider the role of sex for those who believe themselves to be on a spiritual path.
People bounce to and fro between the social options, the two extremes of sex denial and sex exploitation, tiring of one then the other, never learning how to participate in an entirely positive sex life.
Photo of Rainbeau Mars (http://www.rainbeaumars.com)
Our culture is one that regards God, or spirit, as mutually exclusive and for the most part incompatible with sex and sexual expression. Much of our religious and spiritual doctrine promotes celibacy as a necessary prerequisite in order to move closer towards a holy state, leading us to believe that our own fleshiness, heartbeat, breath and sexuality are moving us away from the ideals of spiritual attainment. We are told that in order to have a relationship that is sexually fulfilling, we are handing over the pass that allows us to become closer to the source of our reality, or God.
Through this process, we are denied an exquisite intimacy with our own nature, and a vital and fundamental expression of our nurturing force. Society today has become devoid of sexual wisdom and often lacks the simple practices of intimacy that are the essential ingredients for a connected and meaningful relationship. Whitwell puts it this way, “People bounce to and fro between the social options, the two extremes of sex denial and sex exploitation, tiring of one then the other, never learning how to participate in an entirely positive sex life. I am only saying, start a simple Yoga practice. Don’t worry about relationship until you do.”
In truth, relationship moves life. Each aspect of life is totally dependent on the other as a fusion of opposite polarities. Left does not exist without right, above without below, the seen without its source, or masculine without feminine. Through the denial of sex, we are essentially denying the essence and function of life and our participation in the masculine and feminine polarities, as well as the simple beauty of personal, intimate relationship. To deny sex is not only futile, it is destructive.
Many of the practical secrets and fundamentals of Yoga practice have been omitted from mainstream teachings. The teachings of Yoga tell us that it is not by turning away from life but through the embrace of experience (including sexuality and sexual expression) that we come to develop an intimate connection with the source of life.
Breathing Intimacy
Our relationship with breath and the expression of our breath in our Yoga practice can shape our ability to form healthy intimate relationships by connecting us to both the feminine receptive energies and the masculine penetrative energies. Our breath is the link between tangible and intangible, the seen and the unseen and the dual expressions of feminine and masculine which exist within each of us. By feeling and uniting these within ourselves, we can connect to their union with another through the energy of sex.
Our conscious regulation of the breath allows us to become aware of the more subtle aspects of our being. Whitwell explains, “The fundamental Yoga practice of the inhalation acknowledges and develops our female aspects of nurturing receptivity and softness. The opposite of effort, inhalation is to receive. The exhalation from the base of the body acknowledges and develops the male qualities of strength, clear perception and the ability to penetrate the moment. One aspect is strengthened by the absorption of the other. This mutuality is the most fundamental aspect of Yoga.”
We can integrate these aspects of our pranic expression through conscious awareness during pranayama (breath control) practices that focus our attention. We connect with both the masculine and feminine parts of ourselves, within ourselves and then with a partner. This is as true in the same and opposite sex intimacy as we are all male and female in our qualities. To tune into these energetic qualities, Whitwell suggests practices of awareness of the breath (see sidebar). The manifestation that begins with the breath filters through all areas of our everyday reality, including our physical selves and our ability to connect in intimate relationship.
Asana (posture) is therefore a means to move the breath within the body and establish within ourselves the depth of feeling and connection, allowing us to cultivate the required sensitivities to be intimate with another. Inner sensitivity allows for outer sensitivity. There are added therapeutic benefits to practice that can maximize our physical and mental health when designed appropriately, but this cultivation of personal intimacy and relatedness is the ultimate gift of Yoga.
Asana is part of Hatha (ha – sun and tha – moon, the masculine and feminine) Yoga and comes from the ancient nondual Tantra tradition. Tantra is the nondual understanding that we cannot be separate from the source of our existence, with all objects and aspects of experience being the one expression of the same source reality. Yoga is union between the sun and the moon, the union of all opposites. In Yoga we are not seeking to unite the opposites, they are already in union. We participate in that which is already given, and enjoy daily life, including our physical and sensual being as the appearance and function of source reality.
A daily asana practice concurrently supports and develops the various polarities that flourish within us, especially the female qualities of softness and receptivity and the masculine qualities of strength. The conscious movement of the breath in Yoga practice nourishes and vitalizes the system, while establishing a whole body intimacy with body, breath and every aspect of experience. In this way, not only do we enjoy physical and mental health but also we are developing the necessary sensitivities to receive and love others, and be present for them with strength.
Sex, in this tradition, cannot be viewed outside the context of a mutually loving relationship. This intimate connection is the ultimate Tantra and sex is a natural expression of this accord. Our Yoga practice is our daily reminder that we exist as an expression of life itself, with the force and function of the entire universe flourishing within each and every one of us. It is a gift that allows us to become intimate with our own life, and consequently intimate with that of another. Relationship is a personal affair that allows the energy to move between us in mutual accord. The daily practice of body, breath and intimacy will help us to break through the social conditions that restrict us, and soften any unnecessary obstructions to life and intimacy.
We are unrelentingly bombarded with overtly sexual images and prototypes that tell us what we need to wear, who we need to be and what we need to do in order to be desirable and sexy in the conventional sense.
The prescriptions of specific postures that are promoted as beneficial to sexual health will have limited benefit if the fundamental breath principles are absent. Emphasis on specific body parts and areas must not be exchanged for the health of the whole system and the fundamental process of the movement of breath within the whole body. We must move and breathe as the whole body in order to embrace the whole body and all its natural relatedness. To practice posture with an idea of perfect shape as the goal, or with the focus on strength without the necessary attention to the breath is to ignore one of the fundamental jewels of Hatha Yoga practice.
Whole Body Prayer to Life
For the alchemist who finds breath in the practice, the pleasure of personal breathing, and postures that cultivate the ability to breathe fully and deeply, replace the need to perform complicated or strenuous asana. Posture serves the breath rather than us needing to struggle, gasp or breathe to serve the pose. Our asana practice then becomes a combination of postures that are suitable for our body type, gender, age and level of fitness, and is limited to those we are able to perform while staying within the comfortable limits of the breath.
Through the denial of sex, we are essentially denying the essence and function of life and our participation in the masculine and feminine polarities, as well as the simple beauty of personal, intimate relationship. To deny sex is not only futile, it is destructive.
In this way, our practice becomes, as Whitwell describes, a joyful “whole body prayer to life.” And in this way, the simplest of asana, such as raising the arms in coordination with the breath, has a profound effect on the entire system. This is ultimately more beneficial than contorting ourselves into a vast combination of moves with little awareness on the breath. If this were not the case, there would be little difference between Yoga and gymnastics. This Yoga, this intimacy, is something that is within the capacity of each and every individual; it must simply be adapted accordingly. We must move with comfort and ease. There may be effort, but there is never struggle. “When you do your Yoga like this, something magical happens; you return to your natural state, you surrender to the natural movement of life,” says Whitwell. This natural movement takes you to both God and to the dance of sexuality.
“To be with the breath is to be with that that breathes you, which is the pulse of the heart and the movement of sex.” We transfer this ease through the breath, through the pose, through the connection with the heart, into our ability to cultivate intimacy and sexual expression. As Whitwell says “It is a deep feeling practice that requires no thoughts. The only thing to learn is to move in the breath that lives you.”
A daily practice will prepare and tune your body and mind to hold sufficient energy for your partner. Just as we practice Yoga daily we can practice relationship and establish healthy models of intimacy that celebrates our relationship to our nurturing source. Complete intimacy with life is already established within us. It is our natural state. We breathe it in every moment if we can feel it with awareness.
Painting: Sarah Tomlinson, yantratecture.com
The Shiva-Shakti, Male-Female Dance of the Breath by Mark Whitwell
The inhalation is the feminine aspect of the breath, and the development of a deep and easeful inhalation is directly related to the development of the feminine qualities of receptivity and softness within our bodies. The exhalation or the masculine aspect of the breath is strengthening, beginning from the base of the body as the stomach is drawn in towards the spine and moves in an upward direction towards the heart.
The energetic movement of the inhalation moves from above, down the soft front of the body, and can be felt through the whole body. The strength at the base, including the legs, absorbs this softness. This downward movement of energy merges with the exhalation’s upward moving energy at the heart, the center of all merging and the portal between spirit and form. The mind and all experience seem to arise from this depth of feeling at the heart. It is a location that cannot be intentionally or willfully discovered but is naturally felt when the whole body is relaxed and participating in life and its relationships. We relax into the life current and enjoy its natural movement through us in a full body prayer to life.
Mark Whitwell is the author of Yoga of Heart and the upcoming book The Promise. His Ojai and Fiji retreats can be found at: heartofyoga.com. Mark will be teaching a weekend workshop at the Santa Barbara Yoga Center, April 11 -12. Santabarbarayogacenter.com
Jane Burt is a Yoga teacher, therapist and writer: janeburtcreative.com
By Jane Burt
